Archive for November 29, 2010

11:38 AM – CHAD:
We went with Doss and Shelly to eat oysters and see the beach before we left town for Jacksonville this morning. Here’s some video of Doss (and the beach) for all you back in Austin. He appears to be doing really well out in Florida and says they’ll be in town to visit during SXSW…

(Coming Soon) VIDEO D06-c-dossbeach

12:42 PM* – BOB:
*[It’s really day 18 and I’m sitting in the Mulberry Branch of the NYC Public Library.  Exciting, eh? But, for your reading pleasure, I’ll act like it’s still day 6 and I’m writing this as I’m driving.]
I drove about four and a half hours to Jacksonville.  Here’s proof:

6:45 PM – CHAD:
Ok, so we rolled into Jacksonville on Monday. If you want to know anything about me at all, you have to realize that I’ve spent every Sunday and Monday of the last eight NFL football seasons glued to a television set and a microphone “calling” play-by-play of the games on pirate radio. Along the way, I’ve always played fantasy football and been in betting pools, so I’m constantly abreast of the scores, stats, facts and figures that roll in on game day. Much like my kids, my pets and my job as a career criminal, this was something I had to leave behind in order to go on this trip. Why am I telling you all of this? Two reasons, really. For one, I’m now doing the show with my son on Sunday mornings… the noon games as we call them in the central time zone, but basically the first round of games wherever you live. I want to tell you that this has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done in the entirety of my creative endeavors. Not the most noteworthy, not the most successful, maybe not the coolest, but the most rewarding, personally. It really hurt me deep down inside to leave him in the middle of the season and miss doing a whole bunch of shows with him, but I got him set up with all of the equipment he needs, and he has continued doing the show by himself and I’m very proud of him.

Now, enough of that faggot shit. Let me tell you the real reason I’m bringing all of this up: You’re not going to fucking believe what happened to me in fantasy football this weekend…  I’m playing in the Mucky Duck league against my hated rival, Darrel Maudlin and his Nancy Boys fantasy team… it’s The New Oilers vs. Nancy Boys. I’m not going to get into the way fantasy football works for those of you not familiar, so you will just have to rely on the fact that I’m such a good writer, I could be talking about anything and you will enjoy it. Anyway, my team was riddled with so many bye weeks, I was going to have to drop my kicker, Sebastian Janikowski, who was leading all other kickers in the league by 30 points. The Mucky Duck League, I might add here, is one of those leagues that will give you more than three points for a fucking field goal if it is of a certain distance… you know, the four and five point field goals that make the entire league’s scoring a total fucking joke. Even though I’m complaining, I’ve been reaping the rewards of that with Janikowski this season and have even called him single handedly winning games this year for me on the radio with my kid. I decided I was going to ride out the matchup and see how things went before I dropped Janikowski (who would have been immediately snapped up by the wolves on the waiver wire) because I had the option of picking up the Cowboys kicker during the late Sunday game or the Redskins kicker on Monday night. I figured if the fantasy matchup was a blowout either way, it definitely wasn’t worth losing Janikowski over. Well, worst case scenario happens. I go into Monday night trailing by 19.18 points (yes we use fractional scoring) but I still have LeSean McCoy (eagles running back) and Santana Moss (redskins wide receiver) left to go, not to mention the kicker spot that still remains empty with Janikowski on his bye week. This was just enough of a deficit to warrant dropping the kicker, but I decided to risk it. Right out of the gates, LeSean McCoy gets me a touchdown and a decent amount of yards in the first half to where I’m well on my way, points-wise… He had me about 12.

I do notice, however, that Santana Moss has been practically unheard from and this is no big surprise to me. You see, Santana Moss is on at least one of my fantasy football teams every year. He is the premier wide receiver for the Washington Redskins and is perfectly capable of putting up solid if not huge numbers, but will always come tits up with a shitty game for me when I need him most. You know why? Because Santana Moss knows when I need him to do well for me in fantasy football and he plays shitty on purpose in order to get me back for slavery. You know how you’ll be at an intersection and a black person will be crossing the road in front of you and then they look over and see you’re white so they quite visibly, purposefully slow down even further to punish you for slavery? Well, Santana Moss does that to me in fantasy football every fucking year and I keep picking him up because, even though I don’t want to admit it, I somehow feel guilty about slavery and secretly desire the punishment. Now that I’ve brought up this controversial topic, I’d like to expand on it a little further. It’s widely known that black people can run faster than everybody else and they get all the credit they deserve for this feat but what is often overlooked is that they are also able to move slower than any other human beings on the planet. Black people walking in the mall or out in the middle of the road, especially when they know white people are waiting on them, are able to move at such a slow and undetectable pace, that if like a white person or a mexican tried to walk that slow, they would fall over face first. So yeah, Moss ends up with twenty-eight total yards for the fucking game and those 2.8 points added to McCoy’s 15.4 left me exactly .98 of a point short and I lost to the Nancy Boys. Obviously, either kicker that I could have picked up would have won the game for me with just one PAT. Incidentally, if you’d like to listen along to my son’s radio show, you may do so at noon central time on sundays by going to and clicking on “SPORTS” in the upper left quadrant. You can also listen to Bill Davis and Daniel Timmins do the Sunday and Monday night games the same way, if they get the proper equipment and programs in order and put the show back on the air. Unfortunately, you have a better chance of getting around Santana Moss and his family in the food court that you do of that ever happening.

9:25 PM – BOB:
Tonight, we screened at the 5 Points Theater. We had a pretty big crowd for Hell on Wheels.  About 6 m’f’ers braved the Total Badass experience.

9:30 PM – CHAD:
I’d like to thank everybody who came out to see Total Badass in Jacksonville. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Is that six? Ok, we’re good….

11:00 PM – CHAD:
I’m not sure what went wrong, but Bob and I seem to have missed the Q&A for Total Badass in Jacksonville, Florida. I mean, granted, there were only six people there, but we were at a bar right next door and really shouldn’t have had any trouble getting back in time. As it was, there was just one guy hanging around when I walked into the theatre. Needless to say, he won both of the door prizes. Here is some video of driving in Jacksonville at night, in case you’ve ever wondered:

4:03 AM – BOB:
If I remember correctly (and I’m struggling to recall the details from 11 days later as I sit in an NYC library and write this tour journal entry), we partied well into the night with the Jacksonville Rollergirls.  I hope that is enough detail for you and my struggles were worth the wait.

Film Tour Page:

11:54 AM – BOB:
I woke up in a girl’s room.  Not the good kind of waking up in a girl’s room.  You know the kind: you wake up, disoriented and dry-mouthed, wonder where you are and who the sexy gal next to you is. It wasn’t that kind of wake up in a girl’s room kinda morning.  This was the “there is a pile of diapers next to my face” and the “this room is a fucking baby’s room” kind of wake up in a girl’s room kinda morning. The little girl in question wasn’t home.  Her mother, and our hostess for the night, is in some sort of bitter divorce and decided that bringing home two sexy Texans was the perfect way to gain the upper hand in said divorce.  So, out of the kindness of her heart, she let us crash at her pad.

The next morn I went to piss and, upon exiting the bathroom, I was assailed by paparazzo. Our hostess thrust a vid cam in my face asking me to testify that I had not had sex with her.  I scratched my balls, sniffed my fingers and confirmed that we had not.  Glad that’s officially on the record.  We did have to sneak out when no neighbors were watching, so maybe she had second thoughts about the whole ordeal.

1:30 PM – CHAD:
So, we headed out of Mobile today and took off for Panama City Beach for a layover on the way to Jacksonville. I can’t emphasize how much fun we had in Mobile last night, so I have put together a little video montage for you here that I feel captures all of the sights, sounds and excitement of the city:

Seriously though, we had a great fucking time in Mobile… definitely one of the all time great nights of either tour.

7:45 PM – CHAD:
Well, my buddy Woody Woodard from Brazoria County had his 20 year high school reunion back in Texas this weekend, so by the time we got to Panama City Beach, he was worn out from that and had to work in the morning, having just flown in. We didn’t get to party with him, but I’ll catch you next time, Wood. We did, however, get to hook-up with Austin expatriate, David Doss, who has moved back out to Florida. We went to a couple of local bars and pretty much called it an early night.

10:35 PM – CHAD:
When I woke up this morning, it occurred to me that Bodger, the dog, is a living example of what I’ve been doing with my life for the last 20 years. I opted not to hang myself in light of this. Or him, for that matter…

Also, here is a look at the ghost house…

Additionally, here is a peek at some of the wildlife native to the region:

Drive to Mobile

6:33 PM – CHAD:
So, we split from New Orleans and are now in Mobile, Alabama where we began the evening with a rollergirl pre-party at Veet’s, which struck me as a nice place to watch football games if you’re ever in Mobile, and then all of the girls skated down to the Crescent Theatre for Hell on Wheels. The procession can be seen here:

Mobile CAKE!

10:45 PM – CHAD:
We really had a great time with Max, the theatre owner and Will, the projectionist. Here they are early on in the night giving us the lowdown on The Crescent Theatre. Things got so much worse as the night went on, I assure you:

Thanks, Max and Will for Keeping Indie Film Alive in Mobile, AL!

11:30 PM – CHAD:
Well, I told you things got much worse, right? First, we left the theatre in the back of a truck with Max, the theatre owner and Will, the projectionist so as to go to their houses to look at art and presumably get all fucked up if they were, indeed, the getting fucked up type. Here’s some footage of Mobile from the back of a pickup for those of you who’ve never seen it that way. Like there’s any other way to see it… (I also threw in a clip of Max’s place.)

Mobile Truck Ride

Max  – Art:

(Coming Soon) VIDEO d04-c-maxhouse

12:08 AM – CHAD:
I’m not sure what went wrong, but Bob and I seem to have missed the Q and A for Hell on Wheels in Mobile, Alabama. Actually, I’m understating just how bad things went. The movie just flat out quit playing with about 25 minutes left in it. That probably would have been easy to fix but Max, the theatre owner and Will, the projectionist, were with us at some bar on the other side of town all fucked up on weed and pills, so there was nobody there to handle the problem. Max got a phone call from the ticket agent and we all had to hop in the truck in a mad dash to go back and try to fix things. Is said mad dash on film? You bet it is. Highlights include:  Dragging along a girl from the bar we were at, black people telling me not to film them because they feared it would capture their souls, Will the projectionist bailing in a traffic jam to run the rest of the way to the theatre, this old-ass fucked up rugby player (there was a rugby tournament in Mobile that weekend) named Gene hopping in the back of the truck and partying with us for the rest of the night, Max the theatre owner just getting out of the truck in the middle of an intersection like it’s the normal way to do shit (he was driving) and pissed off rollerderby girls filing out of the theatre upon our arrival…

The second video listed above shows Bob on damage control trying to soothe the masses after his movie went to shit, and then closes with a wonderful example of how we do shit on the road, as far as finding places to stay is concerned.

Mobile Tunnel

12:09 AM* –  BOB:
*(but really, I’m writing this from the distant future (Day 15), but faking like it’s still Day 4)
Yeah, that sounds right.  That sounds about right.

Mobile – TBC’d

Tour Page: