Category: APESH!T


“Chad Retires – Departing, Delays, & the Damn Ice House”

3:01 PM – BOB:

Here we go again.  I spent the last three and a half months booking another tour.  This time we’re headed through the South and up the East Coast.  Tour producer Mia Cevallos and her right-hand woman Jamie Flaxmann have been busting every hump they have to help find locations and get us some press.  We post all the good stuff we come across on the two Facebook pages:

http://www.facebook.com/TotalBadassTheMoviep
http://www.facebook.com/HellOnWheelsTheMovie

Getting Started  (late)

Picking up, Chad…and a lucky charm

Check list…where’s, Billy Bishop?

Departure Pause (again)…and OBSOLETE© Billy Bishop?

3:33 PM – CHAD:

As you may recall from our West Coast tour journal, the last time I left town with the movie, I put my lone surviving guinea pig, Suckerfish, in charge of selling weed for me while I was gone. That is not the case this time around, because I have officially retired and I’m not even fucking kidding. I’d love to sit here and tell you it was due to strong ethics on my part or some sort of divine rehabilitation, but that is simply not the case. I mean, I’ve wanted to quit selling weed for about seventeen years now but could never bring myself to do so. I can look back on my life since I moved  to Austin in 1991 and it’s basically one landmark after another of times I promised myself I was going to quit selling weed, but never did: Every birthday and New Years for the better part of two decades, when I got kicked out of college, when I went back to college, when my son was born, when I left the family, when the kids moved back in with me, when I got a felony for making the fake SXSW wristbands, when I got off probation for it five years later…. Every time I swore once the date or event passed, I was done selling weed for good. Never has this been more the case than when the movie about me selling weed came out.

Once Total Badass was actually out and we showed it in town four or five times then toured the country with it, I was pretty sure it was about time to go ahead and quit. You have no idea how nerve wracking it is to sell weed when there’s a movie out about you selling weed, trust me. When I got back in town from that first tour, I even told my son, Shay, that I was going to be making some big changes in the way we do things that were long overdue and our lives were going to be much better because of it. I now refer to that as my “Pay No Attention to the Three to Five Pounds of Weed in the Closet Speech”.  I put it right up there with The Gettysburg Address and George Bush’s Mission Accomplished lecture as far as eloquent, yet misguided monologues go.

In the interest of making excuses and condoning crime in general, let me say  it’s always been financial reality that sidetracks me from walking the straight and narrow. I’ve explained before how selling drugs is like magic…. You’re just able to look back at the last year and somehow you’ve been able to pay for shit like rent and beer and sporting events when, in real life, the math never would have added up. So, even when I got back in from our tour over the summer, the realities of the bills and the car and all this shit just came right in and took over any plans I might have had about quitting. All along, I’ve also suffered from the common delusion about how if I could just get a little bit of money… just enough to pay my debts and get a little ahead on my bills… then I would walk away and never look back. Since selling pot is no different than any other shitty little job as far as getting ahead and upwards mobility are concerned, that day never comes. Except this time, it did.

Back right before the summer of 2008, on the first day that Bob and I ever worked on a scene for the movie, my grandma died. I actually had tentative plans to go by and interview her on our way back from the guinea pig show we went to, but it was too late at night by the time we were finished. The next morning, my Aunt called me and when I saw her name on my cell phone, I knew Meema had died. Well, fast forward two years later, and I’m back in town from the West Coast, spinning my fucking wheels for the thousandth time and, if I may get a bit personal, at an all time low as far as hopelessness and reality creeping into my head are concerned when my Aunt calls me again. Meema had left me some money. Not much, by any stretch of the imagination, but enough to equal about a year’s worth of weed selling salary. I’m not saying that I squandered any of it, but I did spend enough to pay off my debts and get a little ahead on my bills… and stop selling weed for the rest of my fucking life.

Now, I love Meema very much and her and Pop’s deaths are certainly right up there on the list of shittiest things that happen in life, but for the sake of humor and being honest, I have to tell you that the psychological relief that came along with that little financial windfall was so overwhelming that I couldn’t get the song, “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” out of my head for like two weeks. Seriously, I’d just be driving down the road with this huge smile on my face and the words to the song on a permanent loop in my brain. Here, sing them with me: “Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas Eve. You may say there’s no such thing as Santa, but as for me and grandpa we believe.” So, when I get back in town this time, don’t ask me to sell you any weed, because I quit. Take this job and fucking shove it. I feel like the biggest burden of my life has been lifted, because I’m never going to sell another scrap of weed ever again for as long as I fucking live… except for the three quarter pounds I have stashed away at my house because obviously, I can’t just let that sit there and go to waste.

4:17 PM – BOB:

Fucking Billy Bishop.  I love the bastard, but he’s late as usual.  Billy is a badass artist and poster printer, but odds are you won’t get your posters until the event they are promoting is half over.  And so here we go again…

MEET Billy Bishop?

Guinea Pig Tee…no Billy

Got Shirts

So yeah, fresh out of the gate and we’re already running late.

On the drive to Houston, Chad and I decided to write a few scripts on this tour.  We figured to do that last tour, but blew it off and partied non-stop instead. Our re-commitment to writing scripts on tour was, shortly after, followed by a silent re-commitment to blowing it off again.

Arriving in Houston

7:16 PM – CHAD:

Our first official stop on the tour was at The Dam Ice House which is right by the Alamo Drafthouse West Oaks where the movie played. The Dam Ice House is… well, I’ll let our friend, Dave, tell you:

The DAMN ICE HOUSE – Thanks, Dave!

Headed to and at the ALAMO Theater

A Fist full…

In review…BURP.

11:11 PM – BOB:

Houston screening was rowdy fun.  LOTS of laughs.  The ‘toons got the mood set right and the flick killed.

11:34 PM – CHAD:

We had established The Dam Ice House as the staging ground for an eventual assault on the theatre, but when we got there, only Bonnie Bilski, Holly Anders, and Chris Cortez were to be found. Luckily, after the movie, a lot more Brazoswood High School Alumni showed up, as evidenced in the following video: (Before showing the video, I would also like to add that Thao Ho, Kathy Krampota, Eileen Asswood, and countless other B’wood women were there looking better than ever as was my “cousin” Abbey, who is still not literally related to me and thus it would be perfectly fine if we made out, sweetheart.)

Roll Call

The Houston screening was fucking great, to put it lightly. We had unbelievable support from the guys at 1560 The Game, a shitload of high school friends showed up, and someone gave me so many fucking pills, you might as well quit reading this shit now because I don’t care about it anymore. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if Bob and I fail to post a goddamn thing on this journal for over a week.  The Q and A after the screening was easily the best one we’ve had on the east coast trip so far, especially towards the end where Holly Anders asks the question that exposes Jesse, Charles Jesse Miller Jr, as the farce that his life has become:

(Coming Sooon): VIDEO D01-c-qanda

Advertisements

That’s right, we’re planning an East Coast Tour.  Check out http://www.BadassFilmTour.com for more info.  More Tour Journals to come.

2:22 PM
CHAD:

Yes, last night ended up being pretty fun, indeed. In order to make you feel a little more involved in the process, here is some reel from the movie we made last night. This is pure, unedited film work, shot by a notable filmmaker, starring a leading man and woman with no less than four or five legitimate projects under their belts, including this one:

7:45 PM
BOB:

A lot of driving today:

I have no fucking idea what to expect from Las Cruces.  We’ve been told that the town is basically a truck stop.  And we’re running late as fuck.  We didn’t get the action on video like we did in Boise, but we did roll up about two minutes late and I couldn’t find the screeners.  I dug through the car in search for the DVDs to play.  After a few more minutes, I found the fuckers, grabbed the merch case and bolted for the cinema. But all was fine as, to my pleasant surprise, there were a shitload of people in there.  They were whooping it up and having a blast.

I thrust the DVDs upon the theater manager.  He was hesitant to play the CrashToons before the feature.  He’d watched and approved the feature, but hadn’t laid eyes upon or even knew that we were screening ‘toons before the big show.  “There’s nothing indecent on here, is there?  We can’t show anything indecent.” “Um… no.”

Just:

11:59 PM
CHAD:

Anyway, we left Tucson and drove down to Las Cruces for what would turn out to be out to be our last screening of any type. Bob showed Hell on Wheels to a building full of screaming rollerpussy. I’ve inserted some footage of him hobnobbing with said rollerpussy, as well as the intro to the movie, which includes sign language for the hearing impaired. This was the first of our screenings to come with a sign language interpreter, and the moment was not lost on us.

In what was perhaps the most serendipitous moment of the entire trip, I was walking from the theatre with a guy named Marty over to his place because we were going to spend the night there. The rollergirls had asked around for us a place to stay and a seemingly random stranger had volunteered. Along the walk, Marty tells me he is from Texas, too. I ask him where, and he says Seguin. I could tell he was about my age and so I asked him how well he knows Mike de Leon. Turns out, they have been friends ever since kindergarten. Unfortunately, I didn’t get any video footage of Marty. The good news is, I don’t have any footage of Mike de Leon, either.

1:11 AM
BOB:

After the screening, a derby gal was handing out Klonopin like it was Halloween.   Then we all crawled down to El Patio bar right around the corner. We’re actually in Mesilla, the old historical and Billy the Kid infested part of Las Cruces.  Apparently, and according to the history drunks, Billy the Kid fucked this place with his uncircumcised member and gave it the clap and a bad rash.  I think this bar used to be the jail or some shit.  Here’s their bathroom sink:

2:09 PM
BOB:

Before I hit the road, I said goodbye to my Seattle girlfriend.  See Figures 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5:





Thanks, Seattle.  You have been good to me:

2:12PM
CHAD

Ok, so we’re headed out of what ended up seeming like my temporary home bases of the Pacific Northwest, Seattle and Portland, and are back “on the road”. We head into Salem today, and I can’t seem to get that straight, because every time I talk on the phone with someone back in Texas, I tell them “We’re going to… um….” And then bob goes “Salem!” all exasperated and shit, but that’s what he gets for listening in on my phone calls. I’m going to do a little psychic predicting here and tell you that we get into Salem, and the back-to-back-to back three movies about women’s rollerderby in a row festival isn’t going quite as well as you might think. However, attendance for Bob’s movie crushes the competition, outdrawing the other films combined and the theatre slaps a nice hunk of cash on him. Then, he tells me since he made out so well, dinner is on him!! I think he might have even used the phrase “Nigger Rich”, prompting me to decree that if there is ever a fourth member of my rap group, BFE, then his name will be “Nigger Rich”… like short for Richard. Anyway, we go out to eat with all the theatre people at Marco Polo’s in Salem and I got this huge plate of General Tso’s Chicken that was strictly chicken and rice… no other vegetables. The next morning, my shit was encased in the very same caramelized crust that was on the General Tso’s. The theatre picked up the meal, and I guess Bob doesn’t think he owes me a dinner, still.

INSERT VIDEO D18_c_qanda1 (coming soon)

7:46 PM
BOB:

Hung out in a park in Salem. Spiders:



9:59 PM
BOB:

Thin turnout for the derby fest. We had the best time slot and brought in a decent crowd.

11:39 PM
CHAD

Anyway, we all ended up going to a gay bar later that night, called Speakeasy. This gave me the opportunity to bust out one of my best jokes of the trip so far. It was me and Bob, some rollergirls, our host for the night Sally, and the people who worked at the theatre all bullshitting in the lobby, and some of them were trying to tell the rest of us how to get to Speakeasy. Anyway, Loretta who runs the place tells Sally, “You remember Loose Ends? You remember where that used to be?” because it was a hobby shop or some shit, and I go, “Loose ends? Was that a gay bar, too?” and everyone laughed their ass off, even the gay people. We get down to the gay club, and this dude kisses me the minute I sit down. It was just on the cheek, but it was really drunk and sloppy and gay. He tells me his name is Gino, only he spells it Jino and he makes that very clear to me. It took everything for me not to talk about vaginas and the way you spell them at this point. Anyway, over the course of two conversations, he lets me know I’m very attractive, so I’m walking on cloud nine at that point. Then, later in the night it turns out he told Bob the same shit, so he was totally playing us.

4:54 AM
BOB:

Awesome fun after.  Including, but not limited to:
Gay Club.
Jino!
Dancing.
Partying with Sally.
Partying with Fay L. Mary.
Partying with Jen 208.
Fun.
The evidence was destroyed.   But there is this sign from the bathroom at the Speakeasy:


Help us spread the word!!! We have more screenings coming up and could use your help w/ promo:
http://crashcamfilms.com/filmtour2010.htm

Launch Party on Friday for Bob Ray’s Down and Dirty Austin Film Tour

Friday, July 9, 2010
8:00pm – 11:00pm
The Crescent Apartments – Rooftop Terrace (http://www.crescentaustin.com)
127 E. Riverside Drive (6th Floor)
Austin, TX

Join filmmaker Bob Ray and writer/singer/rabble-rouser Chad Holt for a send-off party celebrating the launch of the first leg of “Bob Ray’s Down and Dirty Austin Film Tour!”

We’ll be screening clips from Ray’s newest flick, TOTAL BADASS, peppered with some of his CrashToons, and serving free beer. Come make some new memories with us on Friday, July 9, 2010 at 8PM. Details above and below. See ya there!!

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

–PARKING: Free parking is available at the former Sonic lot across the street.

–TOUR INFO: learn more at: http://crashcamfilms.com/filmtour2010.htm

–MEDIA/QUESTIONS: Please send your inquiries to Mia Cevallos at
mia@totalbadass.com

–SPREAD THE GOSPEL: Please help us spread the word about the tour! Tell all yer Facebook pals, blog us up, twitter our brains out and etc. us good! This tour will be crazy-fun!

Thanks for your help and we look forward to seeing you on Friday!

————————————————————————————————

TOUR SCHEDULE – FIRST LEG:
Bob Ray’s Down and Dirty Austin Film Tour (More dates to be added.)

July 15 Albuquerque, NM @ Guild Cinema
7:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Duke City Derby
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=106783302706442
9:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray and Chad Holt
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=112976748750109

Sat, July 17 Denver, CO @ Starz FilmCenter
7:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Rocky Mountain Rollergirls
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=135284813165956
9:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray and Chad Holt
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=134817233210217

July 19 Salt Lake City, UT @ Tower Theater
7:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Salt City Derby Girls
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=140614779285411
9:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=131851723514481

Wed, July 21 Boise, ID Egyptian Theatre
8:15 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Treasure Valley Rollergirls
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=139913366024878

July 23 Vancouver, BC @ Rio Theatre
Midnight double-feature!!! Hell on Wheels
*with special guests Terminal City Rollergirls
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=140833902593943
Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=123160277727022

July 24 Bellingham, WA @ Pickford Film Center
8:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Bellingham Roller Betties
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=129683580405449

July 25 Port Orchard, WA @ Orchard Theater
7:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Slaughter County Roller Vixens
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=136485713036879

July 26 Victoria, BC @ Victoria Event Centre
7:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Eves of Destruction Roller Derby
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=133877333302434
9:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=133778133310338

July 27 Tacoma, WA @ The Grand Cinema
7:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Dockyard Derby Dames
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=140852589261586

July 29 Portland, OR @ Clinton St. Cinema
7:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Rose City Rollers
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=116640861715128
9:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray and Chad Holt
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=134600523226640

July 30 Seattle, WA @ Central Cinema
7:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray and Chad Holt
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=109892459059663

July 31 Salem, OR @ Salem Cinema
Roller Derby Film Festival!!! Hell on Wheels screening with Brutal Beauty and Blood on the Flat Track

Aug 1 Eugene, OR @ David Minor Theater
5:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Emerald City Roller Girls
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=136010349750417

Aug 2 Chico, CA @ Cal Skate
7:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by NorCal Roller Girls

Aug 3 El Cerrito, CA @ Rialto Cinemas Cerrito
7:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Bay Area Derby Girls
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=116447455067875
9:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray and Chad Holt
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=133760813311712

Aug 4 San Francisco, CA @ Roxie Theater
7:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray and Chad Holt
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=132564483441272
9:15 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Bay Area Derby Girls
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=140647592615587

Aug 5 San Francisco, CA @ Roxie Theater
7:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray and Chad Holt
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=135690889782159
9:15 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Bay Area Derby Girls
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=129816607057042

Aug 12 Los Angeles, CA @ Echo Park Film Center
7:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray and Chad Holt
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=126309474077325

Aug 13 Los Angeles, CA @ American Cinematheque
9:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray and Chad Holt
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=133791849975212

Aug 14 Phoenix, AZ @ MADCAP Theaters
7:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
9:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray and Chad Holt

Aug 15 Las Cruces, NM @ The Fountain
7:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons

Aug 16 Marfa, TX @ Padre’s
7:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
9:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray and Chad Holt

Aug 21 Austin, TX
7:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray and Chad Holt