Tag Archive: roller derby

2:09 PM

Before I hit the road, I said goodbye to my Seattle girlfriend.  See Figures 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5:

Thanks, Seattle.  You have been good to me:


Ok, so we’re headed out of what ended up seeming like my temporary home bases of the Pacific Northwest, Seattle and Portland, and are back “on the road”. We head into Salem today, and I can’t seem to get that straight, because every time I talk on the phone with someone back in Texas, I tell them “We’re going to… um….” And then bob goes “Salem!” all exasperated and shit, but that’s what he gets for listening in on my phone calls. I’m going to do a little psychic predicting here and tell you that we get into Salem, and the back-to-back-to back three movies about women’s rollerderby in a row festival isn’t going quite as well as you might think. However, attendance for Bob’s movie crushes the competition, outdrawing the other films combined and the theatre slaps a nice hunk of cash on him. Then, he tells me since he made out so well, dinner is on him!! I think he might have even used the phrase “Nigger Rich”, prompting me to decree that if there is ever a fourth member of my rap group, BFE, then his name will be “Nigger Rich”… like short for Richard. Anyway, we go out to eat with all the theatre people at Marco Polo’s in Salem and I got this huge plate of General Tso’s Chicken that was strictly chicken and rice… no other vegetables. The next morning, my shit was encased in the very same caramelized crust that was on the General Tso’s. The theatre picked up the meal, and I guess Bob doesn’t think he owes me a dinner, still.

INSERT VIDEO D18_c_qanda1 (coming soon)

7:46 PM

Hung out in a park in Salem. Spiders:

9:59 PM

Thin turnout for the derby fest. We had the best time slot and brought in a decent crowd.

11:39 PM

Anyway, we all ended up going to a gay bar later that night, called Speakeasy. This gave me the opportunity to bust out one of my best jokes of the trip so far. It was me and Bob, some rollergirls, our host for the night Sally, and the people who worked at the theatre all bullshitting in the lobby, and some of them were trying to tell the rest of us how to get to Speakeasy. Anyway, Loretta who runs the place tells Sally, “You remember Loose Ends? You remember where that used to be?” because it was a hobby shop or some shit, and I go, “Loose ends? Was that a gay bar, too?” and everyone laughed their ass off, even the gay people. We get down to the gay club, and this dude kisses me the minute I sit down. It was just on the cheek, but it was really drunk and sloppy and gay. He tells me his name is Gino, only he spells it Jino and he makes that very clear to me. It took everything for me not to talk about vaginas and the way you spell them at this point. Anyway, over the course of two conversations, he lets me know I’m very attractive, so I’m walking on cloud nine at that point. Then, later in the night it turns out he told Bob the same shit, so he was totally playing us.

4:54 AM

Awesome fun after.  Including, but not limited to:
Gay Club.
Partying with Sally.
Partying with Fay L. Mary.
Partying with Jen 208.
The evidence was destroyed.   But there is this sign from the bathroom at the Speakeasy:

Help us spread the word!!! We have more screenings coming up and could use your help w/ promo:

1:13 PM
Checked out a lot of Seattle today… Had Lake Jackson’s own Burgandy Viscosi show me around in the daytime:

I loved walking around in Seattle. Feel free to look at this girl I filmed playing the fiddle in the street. I think they call them “violins” up here. The fiddles, I mean…

Burgandy turned me on to this badass bar in Belltown called Shorty’s. They have a shitload of pinball in there, and I’ve filmed all the machines for the Jim Isaacsses and Adam Reposas of the world, not to mention the Scott Fondrens and Mike Marquardtses.

Then, that night, it was more partying up in Ballard with Heidi and her friends. Here are The Basements doing a song at a place called The Tractor, where Austin’s own Lauren Fogel used to work. They still talk about her up here…

3:47 PM

The drugs were supposed to be removed from the car.  Chad’s dirtweed was supposed to go with Chad.  My sweet leaf was supposed to be dumped at my Seattle crash-pad.  That was the plan.  When a doper like Chad rides shotgun, you never really know what kinda drugs can fall off of him like a landslide of dandruff and end up scattered all over the crevices of the vehicle.  Shit tends to migrate on a road trip.  That’s the fear.  A cleanse was had, but is it enough.  Where the fuck did that pill roll off too?  Was there a joint that went astray?  Let’s find out.  Hello Canadian border.  Hello thorough inspection of every inch of the car and its contents.

And they gave it their best shot.  They tore through my shit like a tornado raping a trailer park.  Fucking every inch of it.

But someone forgot to tell the Mounties that the drugs were back in the states.  So once they finished tearing the car apart in search of the mind huggers, they proceeded to prod my every nook and cranny.  I guess I finally got that anal probing the Roswell promised but never delivered on.  Thanks, Canada.

Speaking of, did I already mention that I got laid before Chad did on this road trip?

But back to Canada: the fucker doing the searching was bummed that he came up empty handed.  So he decided to lecture me about the little note in the merch case.  The note that pleads for “Tips, Gas Money & Drugs.”

Merch Case

At one point Canadian bacon/cop grilled me about smoking weed “it’s okay of you do, but did you bring any?” Followed by a long pause and the hairy eyeball as he attempted to break me with his twitchy gaze.

No dice. The fucker was diceless.  So I made it to Vancouver.  And holy shit, the Vancouver screening was killer.   Terminal City Rollergirls showed up!  Check out the line:

And dig this huge-ass crowd:

The Q&A was kick ass.  And I’ve been commissioned by Terminal City Rollergirls with a message to relay to the derby gals in Victoria: hey, Eves of Destruction Roller Derby, the Terminal City Rollergirls think that their team, the Faster Pussycats, will be whipping up on you in an upcoming bout.  So what do ya think of that?

Speaking of, super-big thanks to the Terminal City Rollergirls and to Alex, Chris Coralline and Alicia at the Rio.  They are a killer bunch and plied me with beer and love.

Here are some clips from the drive to and my time in Vancouver:

Some Press:


Help us spread the word!!! We have more screenings coming up and could use your help w/ promo:


July 26 Victoria, BC @ Victoria Event Centre
7:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Eves of Destruction Roller Derby
9:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray

July 27 Tacoma, WA @ The Grand Cinema
7:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Dockyard Derby Dames

July 29 Portland, OR @ Clinton St. Theater
7:00 Hell on Wheels with CrashToons
*sponsored by Rose City Rollers
9:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray and Chad Holt

July 30 Seattle, WA @ Central Cinema
7:00 Total Badass with CrashToons
*with filmmaker Bob Ray and Chad Holt

10:35 AM

A big thanks to Kat of The Treasure Valley Rollergirls and her family for letting us stay with them here in Boise. When we got up this morning, the dog was watching television. Seriously… The TV was on animal planet and the dog was totally fucking watching it, freaking out on other dogs. I got it on video, see:

11:12 AM

Not that any of this topped a dog watching television, but I did spend about three hours walking around downtown Boise, and it fucking rules.  The nightlife was pretty happening last night, too.  Here are some videos of the state capitol building, and then I filmed an Idaho State Police car.  It was probably the coolest police car I’ve ever seen…And I’ve seen a lot of them.

12:12 PM

Double-up on the ditto Chad done said, and a big thanks to Kat and her fam for the sweet, sweet hospitality.  The triptych of couches served us well.  Even when the pooches needed a snuggle.  We hit the road for another 8+ hour drive.  Despite the declaration of no more getting lost, we got lost on step one right off Kat’s porch.  But we managed to overcome and found the interstate.

Rest stop: (see big blue piss box on the right)

3:01 PM

We saw several burnt-up patches of grass and a few tires.  The second vid was cool as we drove right through the smoke at 8Omph.  But the battery died before we got there, so just take a huge bong hit, blow out a puff of smoke and run through it at top speed and you’ll get the proper effect.

5:14 PM

These 8+ hour drives are getting routine at this point.  Except this time we’re cruising through the Washington mountains and we’re about to run out of gas. No shit.  In a Prius and about to run out of gas.  Nice, huh?  Let’s see how it panned out:

6:41 PM

More driving.

7:53 PM

Originally, I was going to ride into Seattle today with Bob and then take a bus down to Portland so I can wait for him there while he does the Canada shows, seeing as how I’m not allowed into Canada. Well, it occurred to me that this might be the only chance I ever have to see Seattle, but I really don’t have anywhere to stay here. I got on the phone with friends down in Austin in a panic and asked them if they know anyone here whose house I could crash at for a couple days while I checked out the city. I was referred to a girl, Heidi, who might let me stay at her place. I say “might” as though I don’t know yet, because I’m pretending to have typed this days ago when actually I have already been in Seattle and Portland both, partying for over a week, and yes I stayed at Heidi’s house for about five fucking days, thank you very much, dear. Oh yeah, we went completely apeshit, too and here’s some video from my first night in Seattle:

I spent most of my Seattle nightlife up north in Ballard, where Heidi owns a bar and frequents about twenty others. They have a badass strip of bars up here, and I’ve met a lot of nice people and seen a bunch of shows. The above clip was Kaleb Hagan-Kerr doing an improvised little ditty in the back of Hattie’s Hat.

2:21 AM

Okay, we got lost a few more times, minor affairs.  Before landing in my Seattle destination, I dumped Chad off.  He found a gal to crash on.  Or a couch.  I’m not sure which.  I’m not usually one to brag, but fuck it: what I am sure of is that I did get laid before Chad did on this tour.  So suck on that!

Okay, so don’t flip.  Everything’s cool.  I didn’t ditch Chad.  The thought crossed my mind.  Chad and I had to part ways cuz the fucker ain’t allowed into Canada on account of him being a convicted felon and shit.  And, there are a handful of Hell on Wheels only screenings coming up: Bellingham, Tacoma & Port Orchard and one more double header in the forbidden land of Victoria, Canada.  But we’ll meet back up when we screen in Portland on the 29th and be a two-headed bastard again through the rest of the tour.

Despite his rep and a few annoying habits, Chad’s a dam-fine travel companion.  I mean, except the part where he has a suspended license and can’t drive so he’s effectively dead weight half of the time.  But he means well and leaves very little damage in his wake, so it’s mostly pleasant or maybe tolerable.

Here’s a vid from inside Seattle.  I think I’ve played a race car video game where I drove through these:

Help us spread the word!!! We have more screenings coming up and could use your help w/ promo:




Hell on Wheels storms the Northwest: Olympia screening with director Bob Ray and Oly Rollers!

Friday, May 7, 2010
Capitol Theater
206 5th Avenue SE
Olympia, WA

Hosted by 2009 WFTDA National Champs!!!! the Oly Rollers!


Get Tickets: http://www.olympiafilmsociety.org/calendar/index.php?event_action=view&eid=1359&instance=2010-5-7

Hell on Wheels storms the Northwest: Seattle screening with director Bob Ray in attendance.

Thursday, May 6, 2010
Central Cinema
1411 21st Avenue
Seattle, WA

Hosted by The Rat City Rollergirls!

Get Tickets: http://www.central-cinema.com/calendar.htm